Friday, October 10, 2008

Deceitfulness and the World

It breaks my heart when a loved one or friend sins against me and lies to me. God's word says, "But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars,(E) their portion will be in(F) the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is(G) the second death." (Revelation 21:8. ESV.)

But what can be expected from those who have not received a rejuvenated heart of flesh to replace their heart of stone? What can I look forward to from a wayward and worldly person? Worldy expert Caroline Presno says, "Telling lies is a normal part of everyday life. People tell small lies to make themselves more likable or to spare other people's feelings.

However, it's when the lying gets out of hand that it becomes harmful to a budding relationship. If someone you are dating repeatedly lies to you for their own personal gain, you need to be aware of it. By becoming a better lie detector, you can prevent others from taking advantage of you, both literally and emotionally.

Here are eight ways to spot a liar:

1. Eyes aflutter. When people lie, their blink rate tends to go up.

2. The eyes have it. Conventional wisdom says that liars don't look you directly in the eye. And sometimes this is the case. However, research shows that practiced liars will actually give you more eye contact than people telling the truth!

3. Frankly, my dear. People who lie often feel the need to draw your attention to their trustworthiness. They may preface statements with words like "honestly," "frankly," and "truthfully." They're also likely to make assertions such as "I would never lie to you" and "I'm not lying."

4. Cool and casual. Most people expect liars to be nervous, but practiced liars know how to act casual while weaving a web. They may have their feet up or be slumped down in a chair as the lies flow.

5. Behind the smile. A liar's smile is different from a truth-teller's smile. According to research, true "enjoyment smiles" are so big and bright that you'll notice a crinkle around the eyes. These authentic smiles last for less than five seconds. The "masking smile," or lie smile, tends to last longer than five seconds, doesn't involve the eyes, has a hint of negative emotion, and may be crooked.

6. Sticking to it. Good liars stick to the true parts of their story as much as possible and insert lies at key points. Good liars stick to the true parts of their story as much as possible and insert lies at key points. If you suspect you're being lied to, don't be fooled into thinking that the whole story is true, even if you can confirm that parts of it are true.

7. Derailed by details. Liars often try to divert you from their falsehoods by detailing you to death. They'll get you so bogged down by the minutiae of the story that you lose track of what they're saying or you get tired of listening. Never hesitate to ask for clarification if the story seems confusing or doesn't add up.

8. It's not me, it's you! If you catch someone in a lie, they'll frequently try to turn it back on you. "You must be crazy. I never said that!" or "You must have memory loss because that's not the way it happened."...

The more people lie and get away with it, the more lies they tell. Stop the cycle by confronting the lies! (Dating 101: Eight Ways to Spot a Dishonest Date by Dating expert Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C.)

Is it only when "the lying gets out of hand that it becomes harmful" or should I be concerned about the little lies as well? For isn't it "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks"? (Matthew 12:34. ESV.) Albert Mohler reminds me, "The Bible clearly affirms that what is done with the body is directly related to the soul.” And what should I say to the loved one who repeatedly sins against me?

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