“Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!” (Psalm 51:1-2. ESV.)
Up until about two years ago I would have sworn I had a heart that pleased God. That is, of course, until I started questioning whether or not there was fruit and if I had yet received a new heart. (Ezekiel 36:26.) I had grown up in the church, had the head knowledge, and loved God and Christ Jesus with all my heart in high school but did I have eyes to see and ears to hear? (Deuteronomy 29:4.) After high school I was consumed by worldliness, I had no desire to study my bible, and when I did I vaguely understood it. Did I have the Holy Spirit?
“For I know my transgressions,I question if for so long I was mistaken about my relationship with God. Was it one built on His wrath of my wretched sin when all the while I believed it to be one founded on His love? It was not until fall 2007 I realized my Father does not need me. John Piper stated at his Regional Conference in Sacramento, CA, God was perfectly happy with the trinity. He created man to “go public” and glorify Himself. He can create followers from the very rocks beneath my feet! (Luke 3:8.)
and my sin is ever before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6 Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.” (Psalm 51:3-6.
Yet He is merciful and blesses me each day with His sovereign grace. “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9. ESV.) God’s sovereignty is truly beautiful. He reigns over everything from man to even the tiniest speck of dust. Nothing is accidental. Nothing is without His approval as even Satan needed permission in the book of Job. And, we need not worry about anything! (Matthew 6:25-34. NKJV.) He created this stunning yet sin filled world and can destroy it in a second if He so wishes. (Genesis 6:11- 8:18.) With my eyes fixed on God there is no reason for me to be anxious! I am only asked to have faith and rest is handled by Him! If only I had trust in Him the size of a mustard seed I could move mountains. (Luke 17:6.)
© 2008 B.T.P.