One woman, who was facing me (they were at a table over my left shoulder) was a surgeon, as so it sounded. (I am not sure about the other lady...she did not say very much.) The first lady spoke of patients comparing scars and trading stories about their surgeries, to each other and another physician. Hers boasted about how beautiful she is, etc. My interest was peaked and I wanted to sneak a glimpse (at this gorgeous doctor) without looking obvious.
I was still (most likely) as evident as a neon sign. I am about as subtle as a firecracker.
When I got up to leave, I looked directly at her. Yet, quickly. She had long, flowing hair and was wearing make up. Other than that, it's a blur. But, two things happened in that moment...well, two thoughts, actually. #1. I said to myself, "I could be like her." And #2. I felt a moment of envy. But, why?! I really do not desire what she has or does...I do not even know her!
I suppose I could change my major to medicine and serve people in the scope of that field. But, the heavy burden of losing a patient, if I was just unable to help, would weigh heavily on me. And, I would never want to challenge God or shake my fist at Him because His will was different than my own.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV)
Most importantly, though, is the fact I love my life! Not necessarily all that has transpired in it or the bad choices I have made, but rather what I have and the wonderful individuals with whom I have crossed paths. Not to mention the direction in which I am heading.
I by passed a higher education right after high school, traveled, and started a family. I would not trade that for all the success and money in the world. The children I have co-parented (and continue to co-parent) are amazing! And, I have SO much life experience (well, as much as a thirty-something year old can fit into those years).
Maybe I forgot who I was or what I wanted, for a period of time, but I remember now. I have always put my husband and children before myself, as I always felt I should, for 13 years. This past summer, I felt it was time to go back to school, chase down, and obtain my goal of being an attorney... not a healthcare professional.
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13, 14 ESV)