Monday, has passed away and with it a young light has faded. The strangers around me do not notice but I do. The thought brings tears to my eyes and I search for an answer to two of my questions, "How do I feel and why?" There is sadness for the ones left behind and absence that has been created. There is an annoyance that an individual who made the world a better place is gone yet there are those who are harmful, hateful, and wicked who remain. Why take the good and leave the bad?
Do I sound heartless?
There was hopefulness and prayer for a full recovery. That did not happen. Rather, there was pain and suffering. Some good days, others not so good. There was a love professed yet, did not get to develop to full maturity (including marriage, etc.). There was prom and being crowed "queen", a graduation only months away, and numerous days in the hospital.
I am trying to work through this. Be glad you are not around me, I guess. So far I have been called "cold fish", "distant", and "jerky". I just need a little time to myself to sort through my questions...the same ones I have after each death. Forgive me.
What is important in this world, in this vapor of a life?
Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. (James 4:13-17 ESV)
Interesting enough, bible study this past Friday covered Ecclesiastes 1-2 (All is Vanity, The Vanity of Wisdom, The Vanity of Self-Indulgence, The Vanity of Living Wisely, and The Vanity of Toil). But, the answer to which I cling is found in Isaiah 43:1-7.
But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.
Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you.
I will say to the north, Give up,
and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the end of the earth,
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made." (Isaiah 43:1-7 ESV)