29Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29. ESV.)Perhaps it stems from listening to negativity, or from lacking confidence in certain areas, or from second guessing myself. Regardless of the reason, I would not speak to anyone else that way, so why do it to myself?
The summer days have crept up on me. I was anticipating them but they sort of quietly lingered into being like smoke filtering about a room…soft and dainty like, not heavy and overbearing. I fear they will meander past as unvaried as they arrived. Maybe it is because I am doing the summer semester for my bachelor’s degree that I do not feel the indisputable presence of the new season.
I also cannot help to feel uneventful since Yosemite Half Dome. That hike was a BEAST! I trained for it for a month before going and we did the entire hike in one day (seven (7) hours going up, five (5) hours coming back down). But now, all is still without noise or fanfare. Just back to the routine of school work, cleaning house, taking care of my family, and working out. But, caring for my family is what is important, right?
Sometimes I feel my vapor of a life (James 4:15) and my spirit are out of sync. But I have to be careful because
9The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? 10 “I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10. ESV.)I desire to go to seminary school (instead of law school) but I know being a pastor and/or leader is not in the cards for me. So, I am going with my second choice. Sometimes I wonder why I have those aspirations, why am I wired that way, if it is not God’s will? Why do I feel restless if my place is with my family? Why does my situation warrant a career when my calling is as a Proverbs 31/ Titus 2 wife and mother? God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33) so I do not know. I do not understand at this point but I must not be anxious or uneasy. I am called to have faith and God takes care of all the rest.
7 “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose trust is the LORD.
8 He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.” (Jeremiah 17:7-8. ESV.)
(Photos: Half Dome, Yosemite)