Thursday, September 25, 2014

You Have Searched Me and Know Me

Twice this week my faith has been brought to my attention. First, I was told I am a “bad Christian”. Then, I was told I do not act like a believer. Both of these statements are very serious to me. They left me feeling icky and taking a good, hard look at myself. Without considering the source, I need to make sure there is nothing in my “blind spots”. As I went over the writing of Pastor John MacArthur, I made sure to ask myself about each item he addressed. Do I have a distinct testimony? An obedient life? A biblical perspective of money and materialism? Am I sensitive to sin? Do I obey God’s word? Do I see a decreasing pattern of sin in my life? Do I love other Christians? Do I experience answered prayer? Do I experience ministry of the Holy Spirit? Can I discern between spiritual truth and error? Have I suffered rejection because of my faith? (All of these, I have asked myself, are from messages on John MacArthur’s “Grace to You” site I linked to, yesterday.)

In asking myself these questions, I cannot help but wonder if the two statements made to me about my faith fall under “Have I suffered rejection because of my faith?” Perhaps…I have been “rejected” by this particular individual, before, a number of times. History tells me that might not be an unreasonable conclusion. But, again, I am not going to examine the source. I am going to focus on my own behavior. Are those around me able to see a reflection of Christ in me? Do I feel the guidance of the Holy Spirit? I can say, I sure do hate to offend the Holy Spirit. It is the most unpleasant feeling ever! I also know for an absolute certainty that I love God and Jesus with my whole heart! I definitely do not pray enough. That I need to fix. And, I need to be in God’s word more each day! I need to talk about Jesus more in my home and while fellowshipping.
5You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:5-9. ESV.)

Admittedly, I was in a yucky mood after the grievous second statement was made against me. And, immersed in deep thought most of the day. I know God will search me and show me my own heart.
1O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
2You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
5You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

13For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
17How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

19Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
20They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.

23Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
24And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
(Psalms 139. ESV.)
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