I have mentioned dealing with anxiety a few times on this blog. Some, is probably the norm. An anxiousness about flying, or performing infront of people (i.e. singing, dancing, acting), etc. Other forms of it, I believe develop over time and are not as common. For example, a “friend” of mine used to argue and scream at me in the car almost every time we rode somewhere together. It was so horrible and stressful for me and there was no escape…I was trapped there. Over time, I became distressed anytime I got into a vehicle…any automobile with anyone.
I sometimes say, “It is amazing how much damage one person can cause.” On a grand scale we can look at individuals like Hitler and other tyrant dictators. On a smaller scale, unhealthy relationships can cause all kinds of issues close to home. Last Sunday, I spent most of the day trying to figure out why I have been waking up between 2:30 a.m. and 3:30 a.m. Some nights I felt like I had severe heartburn. Other times it felt like a panic attack. And, the most recent felt like pressure on the left side of my chest. An EKG was ordered just to rule out any heart matters. A friend suggested being tested for any thyroid conditions, etc. The doctor chalked it up to anxiety and heartburn brought on by stress. I have to agree and know EXACTLY from where it comes. It is NOT school or moving to Texas related. It is because of the “toxic relationships” (for lack of a better description) in my life I am working so hard to remove.
I do not feel my words are adequate enough so I will quote scripture:
1 But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. (2 Timothy 3:1-5. ESV.)
I look to David who fled when it came to his attention Saul meant him harm. I look to God’s word for an answer. Lord, what should I do regarding the individuals in my life who mean me harm?
Avoid such people. 6 For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, 7 always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. 8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men corrupted in mind and disqualified regarding the faith. (2 Timothy 3:1-8. ESV.)
I CANNOT wait to get to Texas! I would go tomorrow if I could! I am sad I am going to also be leaving some AMAZING people but I know our relationships will withstand time and distance! I honestly wish I could take them with me! But, I understand God has placed them here and this is where they are growing and thriving. My heart rejoices in that I got to meet them and know them! And, the best part is, we will share eternity together!
24A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
(Proverbs 18:24. ESV.)