Friday, January 15, 2016

Battling Fear of the Unknown

Law school is approaching. I am in my last year of undergrad and already I am having a challenging time juggling school and being mom. How much more difficult is it going to become as I prepare for the LSAT (law school entrance exam), find a law school, and keep moving forward? The other day, I stood for a moment, completely still. I was reminded of the part in the movie adaptation of Pride and Prejudice where Elizabeth is standing in front of a mirror just staring at her reflection, contemplating her life. I can see myself doing the same, wondering the day away deep in thought.

Not to mention, it is easy to get washed away by an overwhelming feeling regarding it all. Not so much the last year of undergrad part. I am ready and super grateful for that! But, during that time I have to prepare for the LSAT, find out when the test dates are and reserve my spot, take the exam, pass it, find a law school, apply to it, get accepted, enroll, get my children and myself to school each day, get home in time to pick them up, get them to their extra-curricular activities, study and fulfill my class obligations, intern, graduate, prepare for and pass the bar exam, and then find a job! Phew, it is enough to make me want to go the paralegal route and call it a day!

Searching for a law school alone has proven to be quite daunting. But, I know, I need to be prayerful about it. Currently, the closest match to what I need appears to be St. Mary's School of Law. It is cheaper than University of Texas at Austin and Baylor, has a higher percentage of applicants they accept, and a decent passage percentage when it comes to the bar exam. The only catch is the commute! It would be like the one from Sacramento, California (CA) to San Francisco, CA or a little more than Orlando, Florida (FL) to Daytona Beach, FL. In other words about an hour and a half to two hours. Now, I used to spend two hours in traffic, in Los Angeles, when I would go to dance auditions. But that was not every day or even twice a week. However, I know there are many who spend hours on their commute to work or on the train or bus to their job or school. So, who am I to complain?

My books for spring semester arrived, yesterday, and I am reminded classes begin on Tuesday, January 19th. I have been rather enjoying my time off! Further, I cannot decide if it is better to get one’s higher education as an adolescent or an adult. To be honest, each has its pros and cons and life experience seems to do wonders for a person! Not to mention maturity. I care a great deal more about my grades and succeeding, now, than I ever did as an adolescent. Life has added a “failure is not an option” element that cannot be ignored. Doing something when I am the only one affected is one thing but completing a task that involves others, say my children, changes things. The dynamic and motivation is altogether different! Making a better life for us, contributing to their future, etc. drives me.

Though the next year and a half is going to be a bit up in the air and the unknown can be intimidating and alarming, I am thankful beyond words God has provided this opportunity for me! He placed the yearning in my heart to help children as an attorney for them, not just an advocate as I once was, and I trust His guidance.

11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, declares the LORD, (Jeremiah 29:11-14a. ESV.)

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